Trump Cake
Screengrab

Fuckface Von Clownstick Was Eating Chocolate Cake When He Ordered Syria Bombing

Welcome to The Daily Blunt, where we recap all that other stuff that happened in the super fast-forward news cycle in which we all exist. We use this space to roll up all of today’s news that we weren’t able to cover in full—but that’s potent enough for you to take a quick hit.

  • Our favorite guy, and Chinese president Xi Jinping just hanging out like good ol’ pals when Trump ordered 59 tomahawk missiles dropped on Syria. He told this to Fox Business in an interviewed that aired this morning. He said it was the “most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen.” He said a bunch of other really dumb things too that were worth noting. – New York Magazine
  • A new book offers some pretty interesting insight in to how the 2016 Hillary Clinton campaign operated internally. Lots of times there was petty bickering, and there’s a good story about how she snapped on a room full of people when she was exhausted. – The Hill
  • United Airlines is still trying to clean after their mess. They are compensating every person who was on the flight where a man was violently dragged off. –  The Hill
  • But also, speaking of United Airlines, a woman says a man sexually assaulted her, and after she complained the flight attendants just gave her drinks. – The Huffington Post
  • Trump’s wife Ivanka Melania settled her libel lawsuit agains U.K. Tabloid The Daily Mail for $2.9 million. The paper wrote a story alleging that she was an escort. – NPR 
  • America’s smartest resident dumb-ass Dr. Ben Carson got stuck in an elevator today. He was there because he’s on a “national listening tour” to better understand his job as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.  – Politico 
  • Secretary of State Rex Tillerson met with Russian leaders today including Trump’s maybe buddy Putin himself. They were there to discuss a number of things including the ongoing conflict involving Syria. Nothing good or terribly bad came from the meetings it seems. – The Washington Post
  • Violent protest broke out in Venezuela that left two people dead. Stability has gone from bad to worse over the past year and protesters stood off with police against the government and President Nicolás Maduro. They want him to resign and the country to hold new elections. – Vice News

We totally understand if after reading all of that you want to go on a little escapade because we’re right there with you.

But for now we’ll just have to settle with this.

 

 

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