ted-cruz-like
Photo: @ALT_uscis

Senator Ted Cruz Likes Incest Porn

United States Senator Ted Cruz, who may or may not be the Zodiac killer, looks to have been scrolling through Twitter late last night, on 9/11 no less, doing God knows what, while browsing some very (NSFW) porn on Twitter.

The porn that Tex’s official account “liked” on Twitter last night can best be described as a “MILF” (porn terms), coming home to find a much younger couple having sex on her L-shaped (tacky) sofa. Was it her step-son? Step-daughter? We don’t know. But instead of interrupting the frolicking couple she quietly begins masturbating while watching them do their damn thing.

Some people were quick to point out that the “MILF” in the porn looked an awfully lot like Ted Cruz’s wife, Heidi Cruz.

Ted Cruz’s communications director, Catherine Frazer, pulled the old “his account was hacked” and after 30 minutes the NSFW clip was “unliked.”

“The offensive tweet posted on @tedcruz account earlier has been removed by staff and reported to Twitter,” she said last night on Twitter.

Ted Cruz, who bought 100 cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup immediately after returning from his honeymoon, once tried to say that Americans don’t have the right to use sex toys while masturbating. His legal team in Texas argued in 2004, “There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.”

Ted Cruz’s former college roommate, who has come out in the past few years as one of Cruz’s biggest enemies,  also chimed in to the Internet mockery of the Republican Senator last night, pointing out that while they were roommates he would have to hear him beat it in the bottom bunk.

By all accounts Ted Cruz is pretty terrible. And while there’s no proof that he is the Zodiac Killer, or even that his father helped assassinate President John F. Kennedy, one thing is for sure and that’s that he is creepy. His campaign can pull the “hacked” PR response all they want, but the odds of anyone believing are slim to none.

Just own it, man!

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