R Kelly Panties Feature

Nobody Wants to See These “White Panties”

In a recent interview with V magazine, R&B legend R. Kelly said that he’s already working on a sequel to Black Panties, appropriately titled White Panties. When I first heard about this news I got quite excited then googled white panties only to be confronted with this image.

noslider
noslideshow

Not as appealing as black panties, huh? That excitement was further curbed when I revisited Black Panties, an album that was desperately trying to be hip; an album that without a ridiculous title and ‘cool’ features wouldn’t have made any waves. An album that I never listen to anymore.

What first intrigued me about Black Panties was that R. Kelly had supposedly gone back to his earlier musical approach. The style that made TP-2.com one of the best R&B albums of the decade. The style of music that was created for making babies. This, baby making music, is what Kelly personifies most. Within the framework of baby making music, he’s been able to shift between two paradigms so effortlessly you don’t even bat an eye; a sex crazed nympho and an inspirational rhetorician, in both of these lanes he’s still making sexual music. He’ll change lives with joints like “I Believe I Can Fly” and immediately hit you with “Don’t You Say No.” At the end of the day, they’re both very much R. Kelly. Not a caricature of R. Kelly.

On Black Panties R. Kelly became that; a cartoonish, exaggerated, sexual beast. It was as if women were created solely for R. Kelly to make whoopee with. The best example of Kelly’s hyperbole comes on “Marry The Pussy” (the title is not a metaphor for anything, it’s literally about proposing to a woman’s private parts). Even while recognizing R. Kelly’s absurd character, these lyrics are unjustifiable.

Pussy my best friend, my better half. 

Been good to me, its love to me, can’t explain what it do to me

Pussy talk to me, pussy sing to me

So much joy it bring to me

When I call the pussy, it come right away

And I call the pussy like everyday

I love pussy and pussy love me

I can tell the way it strip for me

If I’m ever in the mood for two pussies

Then the pussy will bring another pussy to me

The fuck are you talking about Kells? This reads like a song written by The Lonely Island, not a R&B master R. Kelly. If I’m ever in the mood for two, I have one bring the other, what does that even mean? R. Kelly forgoes any integrity on this song, leaving listeners shocked, and slightly amused, but all of that’s fleeting. A song with this title and subject matter doesn’t stand the test of time. It’s merely a joke between friends for a few weeks. I don’t want to live in a world where R. Kelly is a joke.

This is the main reason why I have zero interest in White Panties. Instead of being the R. Kelly I have loved (musically, people) my entire life, he’s become a cartoon that’s not even funny after a month or so. I suspect we will get a Lady Gaga feature where they try to surpass each other in ridiculousness in the name of art. Whatever rapper is popping most at the time prior to the release may get a verse. Maybe he’ll propose to a different part of the female body. Whatever ends up being on White Panties, I’m not interested.

Related Articles

Real Talk
Real Talk

Nick Cannon Sticks To His Corn Infused Guns

Ad

Latest News

memesmahnegguh, coco mango cherry Hey, You're Cool

Hey, You’re Cool! @memesMahNegguh

Adult Swim, holler at your boy!
Banksy News

Goldie Refers to Banksy as “Rob,” People Freak Out

You do realize how many Robs there are in the world, right?
Music

New Music From Vince Staples, dvsn, Heems and More

The Listening Room (June 23, 2017)
2017 Draft Class Sports

The Major Takeaways from the 2017 NBA Draft

Last night we watched men both younger and way more talented than us become way richer than us. Welp
Sizzla-DJ-Khaled News

The Untold Story Behind DJ Khaled and Sizzla’s “I’m So Grateful”

Khaled and Kalonji go way back
Eric B. & Rakim will reunite to celebrate 30th anniversary of Paid In Full. Music

Eric B. & Rakim Announce First Show Together in Over 20 Years

Finally let the rhythm hit 'em
essex-market-featured Art

‘Market Surplus’ Gives a Building on the L.E.S. One Last Jolt Before Demolition

Mural art show features Faust, Lamour Supreme, ELLE and more
Silicon Valley: The Soundtrack is available now. Music

Stream ‘Silicon Valley: The Soundtrack,’ Featuring Nas, Run the Jewels, Wu-Tang ...

A Mass Appeal and HBO collaboration, streaming now
Jay 305 talks about Suga Free's 'Street Gospel' album. Music

Jay 305 Preaches on Suga Free’s Classic ‘Street Gospel’

Chuuch!
Sebastian Gorka News

Trump’s Top Advisor: There’s Only Radical Muslims and Those Soon To Be Radical

Trump's top advisor doesn't confirm he hates Islam, but does tell us he doesn't like hip hop
vince-staples Music Video

Everything’s Up For Interpretation in Vince Staples’ Video for “Rain Come Down”

...except for his feeling about Sprite
Tyler the Creator suggests he may be dropping a project soon. Music

Is It About to Be Tyler SZN?

"7 DAYS BOY"
chance the rapper apologizes to dr. dre News

Chance The Rapper Apologizes to Dr. Dre For Clowning Aftermath

Chance no longer thinks Aftermath "Can't Do Math"
squidnice, trap by my lonely, video, staten island Music Video

Squidnice Drops Sleek New Video for “Trap By My Lonely”

The Craccen gets nice
eto-portrait Music

PREMIERE: Eto “Ritual” prod. by V Don x Kill

That fly or die block shit
Putin/Trump News

Lyin’ Trump: I Don’t Know About Russia Hacking The Election

Everyone Else: They Did