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Nicki Minaj: Eat My Crusty Boxer Briefs, Ni**a!

So Nicki Ninaj has a new song called “Lookin Ass Nigga” wherein she says “nigger” like 42 times. I know she spells it out as “nigga”—and nigga is hip hop’s excuse for flaunting the word like it’s fresh air in Boulder, Colorado. Tupac said that nigga stands for Never Ignorant Getting Goals Accomplished. How creative he was!

Okay, so then Nicki went and fucked around with that iconic image of Malcolm X by the window with the gun, curtain drawn back slightly as if there was a scope aiming at him from the other side . . . She used that image for the cover art for her single. I doubt Nicki Minaj was sophisticated enough to figure on using that image, but if she was sophisticated enough to suggest that, I say shame on you Nicki Minaj—and FUCK YOU, Nicki Minaj! BUT, if it was the work of a brilliant art director who is employed by Universal Records, I’d like to take this moment to say shame on you, Universal art director and FUCK YOU, Universal art director!

Nicki — you came in the game with some talent and natural beauty. You were a ghetto flower — a round-the-way fillet who stood out; a young lady who had the ability to know what she wants and manifest it the way a strong-willed individual can and your early success is the bi-product of that. You are from Queens — the greatest borough in rap (yeah, I said it) so you’re going to get a pass from me a lot of the time. Sadly, the time has come for me to revoke that pass though, ma (calling you “ma” is sexist, but you are a feminist and a great racial thinker who isn’t fazed by words, so I went for it). You think your abs are all that? I hope Roxanne Shante throws a medicine ball at your stomach from a project roof when you’re not looking. Let’s see how your abs hold up then.

Your whole song is about how men or “niggas” can’t live up to your standards — be it how much money they have or how big their dicks are. Meanwhile, you are half-naked, rocking what I presume to be extensions, showing your ass in a manner that suggests many classic stereotypes created by white men. Don’t get me wrong, you’re an attractive young lady and I guess the time is now to flaunt what you’ve got while you’ve got it. Shake your money maker like a Polaroid picture. Essentially, though, you are a) pumping a stereotype (flaunting the fatty) while b) utilizing excessive ignorance (the n word 42 times) while c) dropping flames on some of the prevailing issues that have had a profound effect on the black family (“nigga, you ain’t SHIT!”).

Oh, I guess that garbage man nigga ain’t good enough for you, and the CEO nigga with the small dick ain’t good enough (but you might consider that nigga because that nigga got money, yo). Your standards are amazing. Then again, you have tailored yourself to be the BLOWUP DOLL of Rap. Maybe I’m too old to buy that doll. Maybe I’m just an old ass-man/hater who has a hard on for history and the powerful lessons gleaned from history. Maybe history doesn’t matter to this generation of rap fans. Pop fans probably REALLY don’t care about history, and Nicki, you are a Pop Tart of the highest order. Maybe that’s why you’re trying to come hardcore with a song that says nigga every two seconds. I hope all of your little Barbies around the world understand what you’re saying — especially all of the little white girls. I hope your message makes them want to watch Roots via Netflix. The foot cut off scenes could maybe inspire a new dance step that you can then turn around and sell at Macy’s or Toys “R” Us a la a board game called “Nicki Minaj’s On The Good Foot Dance Board Game.”

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Wait: maybe this isn’t a racial thing. Maybe you’re just a meanie (bullying Mariah Carey is easier than stealing a gold tooth from a baby). Or maybe it’s childhood stuff (YOU KNEW YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL THE WHOLE TIME!) Or maybe it’s because your perfume bottle is UGLY AF (it is supposed to look like you, right? You’re too beautiful for such a shabby bottle). Nicki Minaj is an artist and she is complex. Only she has the answers to these questions that I’m asking on the Internet. She probably has bigger questions that need to be dealt with before the ones I’ve posed get touched. Like, what is the next hardcore nigga shit she can pull off while she sells this cotton-candy-prostitute image to little white girls. Such a difficult balance to maintain.

This Nigga character has too much power in hip hop. True, Nigga doesn’t really own anything, Nigga isn’t really making any moves but that’s the point: the Nigga character was created by white men in an effort to brand the people who helped to build this nation as lazy, shiftless savages who are quicker to eat a watermelon than to snatch your purse (although he might do both). Nicki, this new song of yours has formed an amazing partnership with Nigga. Perhaps y’all can get together and launch a new fragrance called She Nigga. Better yet — and you’ll love this because it’s a term you’ve used in this very song — Bitch Ass Nigga. Branding! Hello!

Funny how some things haven’t changed: “niggers” used to get branded by white slave masters; “niggers” were products to be owned and traded and scarred at will. Today, “niggas” get branded by white corporate masters. I don’t see any scars on Nicki. She’s too fine for scars. She’s a Barbie doll. I can only imagine what the lemonade in the big house tastes like. Nicki — maybe Nigga lemonade is next?

For another opinion on the matter from Mass Appeal contributor Devin P-B, click here.

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