Joan Rivers Trolls a Toddler: Did She Go Too Far?

Storm the Yard! Joan Rivers called Kimye’s baby North West ugly! And while we wait for Kanye West to shred Joan Rivers like she’s a Thanksgiving turkey, let us ponder Rivers’ latest inter-celebrity beef.

One could argue that taking a swipe at a six month old is a low blow, even from a troll queen like Rivers. But isn’t that what angry old ladies do? Old ladies are angry about a lot of things . . . you know, the weather, the government, the saggy pants youths of today. But their primary bone of contention with the younger generation is not the kids themselves but rather what they represent. That by-gone beauty of yester-decade.

Am I saying Joan Rivers is jealous of a baby? Most probably. (Well, that’s what Kim is going to tell the kid when she comes home from the playground crying, because another kid has scarred her with imagery of her mom’s sex tape. “Nori baby, they’re just jealous that mommy got famous and made lots of money.”) Rivers herself has been trying to preserve her mortal vessel, which now resembles a reptilian shell, for a few millenia. Every morning she wakes up and stares at a face she can no longer recognize. So when a picture of baby West pops up on her radar, her insides burn with rage. “Damn you, North West!” “Damn your cherub cheeks and your pouty little lips!” “Damn your soft flawless skin!” You see North West epitomizes Rivers’ lost virility. This teeny human is the exact opposite of Rivers sagging facade, she is quite frankly a newborn.

Rivers pounced on the youngster’s abundance of hair, claiming the not-yet toddler is “desperately in need of a wax.” Using the same parameters that Joan Rivers is jealous of new born babies, we can stipulate that without the 24 hours of hair and make up provided by E! Joan Rivers looks something this.

Well, maybe not. Maybe Joan Rivers is just an old lady who has nothing better to do than shit on everything, including babies all day. Maybe that’s just what old people do? “Did she go too far this time?” one media organization questioned with anxious (in)sincerity.

Em, probably not. We’re going to surmise that this won’t be the first time little Nori will have to face the online gauntlet of abuse. With a compass orientation for a name and parents who do this type of shit on the regular, this poor kid is going to have to prepare for a tumultuous adolescence. You can fix ugly (Kim herself can tell you that) but stupid names and naked parents are low hanging fruit on the tree of bullying – just ask my friend, Dick Cummings and his stripper mom.

But I digress. Rivers and I should probably watch our mouths, least Kanye decide to turn the crazy on full and go after both our asses – seriously.

Related Articles


The Only Woman In The World Who Doesn’t Know Who Kanye West Is


Would You Worship Kanye? There’s Now A Church For That


Kanye’s Five Real Reasons for Postponing Yeezus Australian Tour


Evian Christ Reveals the Details on Upcoming Kanye Album


Can Kanye West and Common Save Chicago?


Kanye West & Rick Rubin Give Weirdest Acceptance Speech, OF ALL TIME!


Latest News

wifisfuneral the listening room Music

New Music From Wifisfuneral, Wiki, Meyhem Lauren and More

The Listening Room (June 27, 2017)
kevin-durant Sports

Kevin Durant Congratulates Russell Westbrook in the Weirdest Way

WTF is YouTube's Community feed feature?
jerome-juv-bauer-prodigy-tribute-art Art

18 Tribute Pieces of Art for Prodigy

All over the streets he done took
Karem/Sanders News

Reporter Calls White House Deputy Press Secretary On Her BS

The war between the press and the Trump administration rages on
kendrick lamar drops new video for "element." Music Video

Kendrick Lamar Hands Out a Proper Fade in “ELEMENT.” Video

Pull up, hop out
squidnice Features

Why Keeping It Real Is A Priority for Squidnice

"If I’m broke, I’m broke. I speak the truth. I just make it sound good.”
GOP News

LOL At These Honky-Tonk Republicans Who Can’t Repeal Obamacare

Long Live Obama
Lansing News

Cop Caught Threatening to Kill a Black Teen

A 15-year-old in Illinois is the latest whose life is put in jeopardy
sizzla-drawing Music

Murda She Wrote: Sizzla, Gaza Slim, Alkaline, Vershon

The best real dancehall music out now
public enemy, black and white News

A New Public Enemy Album Is About to Drop

Believe the hype, it's official.
james harden risks it all for nicki minaj at nba awards Sports

Russ Won MVP, but James Harden Won the Night

You don't get the trophy unless you risk it all
twitter-fail-blogs News

WTF is Happening to Hip Hop Twitter Right Now?!

The Fail Whale is back with a vengeance

PREMIERE: BigBabyGucci Balls Out of Control On “Chris Paul”

Designer shopping and balling on them lames
big-baller-brand Hot Takes

LaMelo Ball Uses “Racial Slur” on Monday Night RAW—Just Like Vince McMahon

"Keep it up, my n****"
drake-stephcurry Sports

Drake Sends Steph Curry to the Sunken Place in ‘Get Out’ Parody

And roasts the entire NBA too
Daupe!, Tha God Fahim News

Do Tha God Fahim And Daupe! Media Have Beef?

The brand gets bitten by the culture vulture title