A Guide to Surviving Christmas Week

Going home for Christmas is fucking overwhelming. Buying presents for X, Y, and, Z is impossible on a writer’s salary. You don’t want to be an asshole and not buy gifts for the people who put you through college. It can be tough, traveling hundreds, sometimes even thousands, of miles to see your family – who you moved away from just to avoid. Then, once you’re home you have to abstain from getting high for a full week! As a kid Christmas was all toys and Jordan’s, now that you’re a broke-ass adult it’s one of the worst holidays of the year.

There are a couple ways to make the next week a little bit better though. First off, cop a vaporizer immediately. It’s healthier, and you can get a portable one if you need to be inconspicuous. Parents won’t be able to detect the smell as easily either. You can grab one for just $40 so you still have money for presents. Being a proud vape owner for several years it’s really the only way to get lifted. It’s almost 2014 – step up your game y’all.

Also, if you’re taking the bus leave no later than Monday afternoon. This seems obvious enough, but every year I find myself jumping on the bus Christmas Eve – es no bueno. The traffic is worse than Thanksgiving Eve and the bus is always packed. Somehow you find yourself on an uncomfortable eight-hour ride, with three screaming children, and that dude who keeps asking you to turn down your music. Um, you can only listen to Chief Keef at one level, bro – that’s 11.

Even if you have access to a car the trip doesn’t get much better. You’re either driving by yourself for ten hours, which will cause any sane human to contemplate murder, or driving with someone who you don’t really like, you both just live in the same town. There’s really no winning when it comes to holiday traveling. However, leaving no later than Monday definitely helps to reduce the stress.

When it comes to presents if you don’t have them at this point you’re already fucked. I remember on Black Friday saying, “All these people are suckers. There’s still like 6 more weeks until Christmas. No reason to trample over each other for presents now. I’ll just wait until early December.” Early December came and went and I have zero presents for my family. But there’s still some options. Books are always a dope gift for mom and pops. If you’re in New York, go to the Strand or any second hand book shop and buy the top sellers. You’re parents will dig them and more importantly books are like $20 a pop. That’s definitely within range, even for a broke dude like me.

Make life a little easier for yourselves next week. No need to stay at your apartment for the holidays just to steer clear of the fam. Leave early, get high, and purchase some dope books. You’ll be back at the crib soon enough.

Happy Holidays!

Related Articles

Real Talk
Real Talk

Megyn Kelly Keeps it 3Hunna with the Children

Real Talk
Real Talk

Why You Mad About These Starbucks Cups Though?


Mass Appeal’s Guide to Stoner Gifts


Latest News

lamar odom's lawyer writes espn a letter after stephen a. smith's "crack" comments Sports

Lamar Odom’s Lawyer Pens Letter to ESPN Over Stephen A. Smith’s “Crack” Comments

Stephen A. clowned Odom’s addiction on ESPN this week in a clip that’s now viral
Meek Mill's crew apparently attacks Safaree in Los Angeles. News

Safaree Gets Jumped, Calls Meek Mill “Biggest Pussy On This Planet”

Meek remains unfazed

With ‘Project E.T.,’ DJ Esco and Future Gave Listeners “Too Much Sauce”

"Yeah, all of my diamonds they shine, Haters like knock that off"
Metro Boomin drops a new song with Drake and Offset Music

Metro Boomin Drops Surprise Drake, Offset Collab, “No Complaints”—Is Album Next?

The Atlanta producer's got everybody lookin'
Zola News

Viral Dancing Gorilla Sad Reminder Of What Harambe Could Have Been

Impressive moves but... damn
tupac filmmakers sued by former vibe writer Film

‘All Eyez On Me’ Filmmakers Sued for Using Fictional Characters in Tupac Biopic

Former ‘VIBE’ writer claims the movie steals his intellectual property
Call of Duty 4 Screencap Remastered Tech/Games

‘Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Remastered’ Standalone Release Coming Soon

COD fans who skipped the $80 'Infinite Warfare' bundle are psyched
memesmahnegguh, coco mango cherry Hey, You're Cool

Hey, You’re Cool! @memesMahNegguh

Adult Swim, holler at your boy!
Banksy News

Goldie Refers to Banksy as “Rob,” People Freak Out

You do realize how many Robs there are in the world, right?

New Music From Vince Staples, dvsn, Heems and More

The Listening Room (June 23, 2017)
2017 Draft Class Sports

The Major Takeaways from the 2017 NBA Draft

Last night we watched men both younger and way more talented than us become way richer than us. Welp
Sizzla-DJ-Khaled News

The Untold Story Behind DJ Khaled and Sizzla’s “I’m So Grateful”

Khaled and Kalonji go way back
Eric B. & Rakim will reunite to celebrate 30th anniversary of Paid In Full. Music

Eric B. & Rakim Announce First Show Together in Over 20 Years

Finally let the rhythm hit 'em
essex-market-featured Art

‘Market Surplus’ Gives a Building on the L.E.S. One Last Jolt Before Demolition

Mural art show features Faust, Lamour Supreme, ELLE and more
Silicon Valley: The Soundtrack is available now. Music

Stream ‘Silicon Valley: The Soundtrack,’ Featuring Nas, Run the Jewels, Wu-Tang ...

A Mass Appeal and HBO collaboration, streaming now
Jay 305 talks about Suga Free's 'Street Gospel' album. Music

Jay 305 Preaches on Suga Free’s Classic ‘Street Gospel’