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Fuck This Lizard-Ass Snitch

Have you ever heard of the phrase “copaganda?”

Well, according to the highly reputable source, Urban Dictionary, it’s best defined as either “images of police officers rescuing kittens from trees and fixing children’s bicycles,” or, “articles written about ‘hero’ cops who save lives but ignore all of the tazer deaths and corruption in the unit.”

And for some God-awful reason, there’s a bit of copaganda news circulating around the Internet from the hell-hole great state of Arizona I’d like to discuss.

It’s about a lizard named Iroh, or, Officer Iroh to be more precise. This scum has been deputized. Someone thought it was a wise idea to spend quality time on earth taking photos of this lizard receiving a badge and being sworn in, then then decided it would be a great idea to post this obtuse event to Facebook, another hell-hole great place.

Before you know it, Officer Iroh will be killing members of the community and eager to deport immigrants just like the vast majority of the other Arizona law enforcement officials. (Arizona has a very high rate of officer involved shootings.)

Time for an update on Iroh's Adventures. Iroh got sworn in today by Chief Nannenga, Iroh is official! #IrohAdventures

Nai-post ni Avondale AZ Police Department noong Huwebes, Abril 13, 2017

Want to know more Iroh? We bet!

Iroh started off as a joke in some bumble-fuck town’s local police department last year on April Fool’s Day. The police announced they were beginning to train Iroh to “sniff out drugs.” The Avondale Police Department eventually came clean about the “joke.” Because, well, you know, lizards can’t smell. Well they can, but they smell with their tongues. It’s why they always are sticking it out and doing weird lizard things and what not.

So the police came clean with their joke (haha), but because this is 2017 they decided to keep the lizard around. Why would a police department keep a lizard around? Who really knows. The lizard would probably be happier in the desert doing weird lizard things. But, no.

So in the process of keeping this lizard around, the police department would do “cute” things with the lizard. They even had used “#Irohsadventures” to ensure maximum virility. For example, they posted the following photo of Iroh on a cop’s shoulder.

Wondering how the Arizona public responded to the photo of Iroh on this cop’s shoulder?

Same.

What are you talking about, Melena? How in the world do you know if that lizard, or dragon, or cretin, is happy. You’re not an expert on lizards, Melena. According to your Facebook, you’re in the makeup industry. I’m in the shit-that-makes-sense industry and I can confirm that you don’t know if that lizard is happy.

Great question, Nathan Beer. Really. I applaud your care and concern for this vermin. If I was to ever live in Avondale, Arizona, before I killed myself I’d first do everything in my power to make sure that Iroh had a helmet for his safety.

There are other posts, too, that feature Officer Iroh. He can be seen helping with speed enforcement. There’s another photo of Iroh just casually sitting on a motorcycle. Lizards are not supposed to sit on motorcycles. Lizards are supposed to do lizard things, like roam around the desert being irrelevant.

The worst part of the story is how many stories have come out about this lizard. Here’s what comes up when you search “Officer Iroh” on google:

So you know what? Fuck this lizard-ass snitch that’s actually a “bearded dragon.” If I ever see that lizard I’m going to stomp his damn face in and I implore you to do the same.

Regardless, happy 4/20 everyone!

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