When White Power Goes Wrong

Back in the 1970s, my man Neil Young stepped to the South via a banger he wrote called “Southern Man.” Neil Young is a real dude, but he caught flack from a lotta Southern whites because they felt like hey, who is this Canadian mofo commenting on how we get down? Mind you, Neil’s joint popped off not long after the so-called Negroes were getting hosed down in the streets as mean German Shepphards were gently coaxed into biting the brothers by white men with rabies. Don’t believe me? Go look at the photos from back then and see the foam ooze from their mouths when it was time to crack some African skulls. Just calling a spade a spade here.

This Brad Paisley/LL Cool J duet is embarrassing for both black people and white people. Embarassing for America. Like, Paisley shoulda holla’d at YelaWolf or something to get this right. Or even DJ Yela from N.W.A. Homeboy’s take on race relations in this country is crustier than John Wayne’s jock strap.  Flavor Flav dissed John Wayne on the classic Public Enemy banger “Fight The Power.” Dude from Cameo used to wear a bright red jock strap over his spandex pants (“cod piece”).

Black Americans don’t need white country singers to apologize for slavery. History is sometimes ratchet, but we have to focus on the right now right now. Learn from history. White people: please don’t apologize for the sins of your forefathers to a do-rag sporting rapper in a Starbucks (i mean, the sentiment is nice, but unless your words can change education and employment and the prison system in this country, just fall back). That action deserves a shot in the ass with a spud gun (in public). Today, there’s a half black president in office. That same president listens to Jay Z and pardons him for going to Cuba (you think Hov didn’t run that move by his man first? FOH. Hov ain’t stupid). Black people are big time now.

Apologizing for slavery is crazy. Although…this scribe produced a documentary starring Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson for the stellar Vh1 network called The Origin of Me wherein the rap mogul met one of the descendants of the folks who owned his descendents. The gentleman Curtis met was 88 years old, and the pair met on the actual plantation where 50’s ancestors lived and worked; the older gentleman apologized to Curtis and his great aunt for the evils of slavery…and soon after, the older gentleman sang the classic Fiddy line, “Go shorty, it’s your birthday.” It was a touching moment that also punctuated how far things have come. That old fellow has sense. He wouldn’t wear tight jeans because they’re cool, and he’s not going to start saying “ratchet” because the kids say it.

Brad: so you’re a white man at Starbaucks, and you’re feeling guilty because you’re wearing a Lynyrd Skynyrd  t shirt? And LL is on the song talkin’ about seeing cowboy hats and feeling nervous, and, like, don’t judge us blacks for wearing sagging jeans? Really?! Look at the South through the eyes of a modern Southern Man like YelaWolf. I’m sure not everybody is as progressive as he is down there, but people aren’t necessarily always so progressive up here in the North, either. Tyler the Creator has no problem with his white buddies saying the N word. I’m not saying that that is right. I’m just saying that that is what it is today. I wish Tyler felt differently, but I’m from a different time.

James Todd Smith: you’ve become a black Jimmy Swaggert, and you’re preaching a gospel in 2013 that only Archie Bunker and Adolph Giuliani can appreciate.

Speaking of Skynyrd, Neil Young’s “Southern Man” prompted Skynard to pen one of their deffest songs ever, “Sweet Home Alabama.” Yo, they called out Neil Young by name on the song! They were mad because Neil was talking about Southern slave whippings and the destruction of black skin. Neil Young was hip hop back in 1970. He battled with lyrics! He was saying something. Brad and LL ain’t sayin’ nothin’. As an aside, I don’t know or care to know weather of not Lynyrd Skynyrd like black people—I don’t look to musicians for social acceptance–but I will forever maintain that “Sweet Home Alabama” is funk from a whiteman’s perspective, and just like white women are being recognized for occasionally having ass today, white people have always been funky (Word to Teena Marie and Hall and Oates).

Brad Paisley is funky in the old-fashioned sense, as in this tune smells real bad. Smells worse than a gang of West Virginia coalminers who haven’t showered in two weeks. And Uncle L—you’ve become Grandpa L and there’s no damn good reason for it. You’re still in crazy shape, and if it was the old days, say, ’89, I’d be afraid of you rolling up on me like an enraged member of the World Famous Supreme Team (you know which Supreme Team I’m talkin’ about). Today, you’ve become someone who is thirsty for young blood. A rap vampire. I’m saying this because vampires live long, and your career has remained alive and vital for many years. But this Paisley song and that “Ratchet” song just prove that you want that young blood. Instead of aging like fine wine, or wrinkling with grace like Mick Jagger, you, again, went Jimmy Swaggert (check tha rhyme). You’re better than that.

Darius “Hootie” Rucker—where you at, son? You’re actually a black man in country music who can say things.  I know you’re at Hooters as we speak, downing a beer and laughing at all of this. Shame on you. As one of the few blacks with influence in the genre (peace Charlie Pride), it is on you to educate the white people on how the blacks roll. And speaking of wrapping, you should wrap LL’s hands with Colonel Sanders’ cane for doing what he done did.

This song is like hay ride through the projects: a bad idea. “You don’t judge my du-rag/I won’t judge your red flag.” Wow.

FYI: The Abraham Lincoln “thanks for freeing me” shout out at the end of the track is bananas. Word to Magilla Gorilla.

As for “Live For You”, the other joint L and BP jus dropped, let’s just say “Ebony and Ivory” it ain’t.

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