Russia Denies That It Is Blackmailing Trump With Prostitute Piss Tape

Well, that's settled then

Yesterday evening, an absolutely golden piece of news was published. CNN published a report that cited sources in the American intelligence community claim that Trump was briefed by the CIA on reports that Russia was blackmailing him. Officials allegedly informed him that a document was circulating in the intelligence community that says Trump had been compromised by Russian intelligence. Almost immediately, Buzzfeed published what they claim is the document in question. Now, Russia says that they aren’t blackmailing Trump in an effort to have their own man in the White House, so don’t worry about it, guys.

The full document—a gold mine of information—was reportedly prepared by a British intelligence operative who runs a private intelligence company. This unnamed person is a former government intelligence official with deep ties around the world and the CIA reportedly has confirmed that he is a trustworthy source.

According to this document, Russia has video and audio of Trump with prostitutes in his hotel room when he visited Moscow. It outlines a scenario in which Trump stayed at the Ritz Carlton Hotel and because he knew the Obamas had stayed in the same presidential suite he instructed prostitutes to pee on each other. The hotel is known to be bugged by Russian intelligence. Allegedly, Russia has used this tape and other leverage to make Trump its man on the inside.

Seriously, read the 35-page document. It’s amazing. But remember, all that glitters is not gold. It’s almost too insane to be true and the information has not been verified. It certainly offers a plausible explanation for why Trump has sucked Putin’s dick so much.

Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov addressed the allegations and said that they are not true. Russia is definitely not controlling America’s next President. Peskov called the report “Groundless accusations which are not supported by anything are being rehearsed in an amateurish, unprofessional way.”

This morning, Trump defended himself by saying that Russia says it’s not true.

It’s unclear if his tweet came before or after Russia spoke publicly about the incident. Maybe he has a source on the inside.

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