The Real Rick Ross Reviews “Mastermind,” Sort Of
It's the "Being John Malkovich" of the drug/rap game.
If you didn’t know, South Florida’s number one rapper, Rick Ross, jacked his name from Los Angeles drug kingpin “Freeway” Rick Ross. Not only did Rozay steal the name but Freeway’s entire identity as a major cocaine trafficker. This is old news that us rap fans have unofficially agreed doesn’t matter because Rick Ross, the rapper, has made pretty good music. Furthermore, Rick Ross’s character (again, the rapper) is too incredible to bury in some identity theft drama. Could you imagine life without Ross? I don’t want to live in a world without Rick Ross memes.
With the release of Ross’s newest album Mastermind (in stores now) we wanted to do a little track by track review and thought, “Hey, if Rick Ross can pretend to be Freeway and make music why can’t we do the same and write great reviews?” We can, and we did.
Freeway: I feel like the static sounds in an intro are unoriginal and extremely basic. Can you not think of anything better Rozay? More importantly, this intro is a direct excuse to steal other people’s shit. Homeboy just put it out there on track one:
“First of all, it is the principal through which you may borrow and use the education, the experience, the influence and perhaps the capital of other people in carrying out your own plans in life. It is the principle through which you can accomplish in one year more than you could accomplish without it in the lifetime if you depend entirely upon your own efforts for success”
Aight bruh. NEXT!
“Rich Is Gangsta”
Freeway: This song definitely knocks. It’s nice to hear an emcee on Rozay’s level of fame just deliver straight rhymes for three minutes on their opening track. Furthermore, I know all about being a young black executive like Ross number two raps about. Shit is hard as hell. Especially when the Feds are really after you.
“Feds tore apart the squad, nigga. That’s why I had to play the part, nigga. That wasn’t me, it was a job, nigga.”
“Drug Dealers Dream”
Freeway: Psshhhh I made $92,153,183.28 in a day my man. Step your hustle up and stop flexing with chump change.
“Nobody” (feat. French Montana and Diddy)
Mass Appeal: Puffy talking like a real hustler on this joint. Shout out to Puff Daddy, Puffy, Diddy, P. Diddy, all of them. They are all legends in their own way.
Should have used an original beat on this song, though, no reason to recycle a classic. The reason “You’re Nobody Til Somebody Kills You” was so prolific is because Biggie was dead when that album dropped. A murder attempt just isn’t the same.
“The Devil Is A Lie” (feat Jay Z)
Freeway: The idea that you’re going to get “this” forever is foolish when you’re a drug dealer, as a rapper not so much. It always ends when you’re selling white. Scarface, Escobar, myself…
“Mafia Music III” (feat. Sizzla & Mavado)
Mass Appeal: Thank the lord for Mavado. He saves what would be a pretty boring track without him, by coming in at the end. Mavado knows payback is a motherfucker, he should tell his mans Ross that, though.
“War Ready” (feat. Jeezy)
Mass Appeal: The big drama surrounding this track is the peace treaty between Rick Ross number two and the Snowman, Young Jeezy. In Ross’s own words, they are both bosses so the two of them making music was bound to happen. I wish they had made a better track.
The Migos type hook is crazy infectious and basically makes the song listenable. What I’m learning throughout this experience is that Ross is actually kind of boring. It would be tight if he stole someone else’s identity and completely switched it up after this album. Shout outs to Mick Foley. In two years remember this sentence.
“What A Shame” (feat. French Montana)
Freeway: This is easily my favorite track so far. In the second verse Ross spits, “I’m an artist and my niggas are the realest.” Truer words have never been spoken. Ross’s niggas include Meek Mill, French Montana, Young Jeezy and a slew of other real niggas. And at the end of the day he’s an artist. Ross unintentionally just spit the most factual line of 2014.
Mass Appeal: There really isn’t much to say about “Supreme” other than it transcends stunting. It’s a college course, but like number 411, not 101, if you know what I mean. You already fulfilled those basic prerequisites in stunting courses your freshman year to get to this point of stunting. You’re about to graduate with a stunting degree. That’s all I can say about this song. STUNT STUNT STUNT.
“Blk & Wht”
Mass Appeal: On this song we get the customary WTF line from Ross. Last year it was about slipping molly (an upper by the way) into an unsuspecting woman’s drink and then taking her home to have sex. The controversy surrounding that line is mind blowing considering the attentiveness anyone who pops a molly has. No way your passing out on molly.
This time around Ross spits, “Too close to a nigga as a motherfuking bomb / Trayvon Martin, I’m never missing my target / Bitch niggas hating, tell me it’s what I’m parking / Wingstop owner, lemon pepper aroma / Young, black nigga, barely got a diploma” Ross has already received some backlash regarding the line but hasn’t lost any sponsorships yet. He didn’t even have to tell us he didn’t have a diploma, that insanely ignorant line lets us know that Ross has zero education.
“In Vein” (feat. The Weeknd)
Freeway: As a kingpin of the country’s largest cocaine trafficking business you gotta be sober. If you’re high all the time, business ain’t going to be smooth my man. That’s how niggas slip up and get locked up. Reason 2,409 why I know Rick Ross ain’t ’bout that life.
“Sanctified” (feat. Kanye West & Big Sean)
Mass Appeal: Shouts to Betty Wright for making this the dopest song on the whole album. Kanye spits one of the wildest word-bending verses in a minute (“sanctified” and “handkerchief” are only words that Kanye would have the audacity to rhyme.) Also, now even God is telling Ye to chill – Ye still don’t care.
Overall this is definitely the standout on the album largely due to the beat. Ross should really cough up a couple mil to Ye, DJ Mustard, and Travis $cott for the production on this one.
“Walkin On Air” (feat. Meek Mill)
Freeway: It’s nice to get a verse from a real dope boy. I got a lot of love for Meek Mill. He did his time, you know, was really hustling, only to come out of jail and give back to his hood.
If I could do it all over I would stunt less and give back more. We need less Rick Ross’s and more Meek Mills.
“Thug Cry” (feat. Lil Wayne)
Mass Appeal: This was the song I was most excited for and fuck, Wayne GTFOH. This song could have been so revolutionary. Could you imagine having Drake on this shit actually crying? That would have been too real for Rick Ross, it doesn’t fit the character that Rozay works so hard to keep alive even though we all know it’s bullshit. Open up a little bruh. If you’re going to make a song called “Thugs Cry” in 2014, it would be pretty ill if you had some thugs crying on it. That shit is real life Ross.
Brian Padilla desperately wants Rick Ross to be real with us and himself.