Nick Cannon is about to release his first album in 11 years…and no one cares. You probably haven’t heard about it, I don’t know too many that have, but you may have seen the emergence of Connor Smallnut…[Pause]. Smallnut [Double pause] is Nick’s new persona, or marketing ploy, in which he dons white face and #NORMCORE attire to make light of the very people he’s resting the success of his album on.
Oh yeah, his album is called White People Party Music. Cannon claims it could’ve been called “Purple People Party Music” and the ill-fated people who scooped the album would’ve gotten the same music…doubt it. Anywho, Nick Cannon could stand as an effigy of corny in all honesty; with sweat of beurre and dandruff of salt. We haven’t forgotten that “Love Don’t Cost A Thing” jheri-curl, or that time in “Men In Black” when he solidified himself as NOT the next Will Smith no matter how hard he tried…queue Jimmy Neutron single hit record. Or that time he unsuccessfully tried to bait Eminem lyrically because he said some sideways shiz about his lady. Chivalrous and to be commended, of course, but he again pulled some corny shit with the way he went about handling the situation.
The new album is full of records from the inspirational “Looking For A Dream,” to the romantic fantasy where Nick Cannon grew up with Mariah cementing their fate as pre-destined lovers aka “Dance Floor,” to the bedroom apparel anthem “Pajama Pants” featuring Future and Migos aka the “safe bet/hood/ratchet single” for the record. After listening to that particular cut I’ll say that I had some hope for the album, but only if it’s sold as something parallel to The Lonely Island‘s efforts. Sure he’s got a number of different successful ventures, hosting gigs, TV shows, awards and all that rah rah under his belt, but corny is corny and Nick Cannon appears to be nothing but. I’m sure his efforts are sincere but his pining for authenticity in the middle of being corny while implementing corny tactics because folks say he’s corny is as redundant as the sentence you just finished reading. Who knows, maybe the album will be good and we’ll forget about Can-I-Ball records, his Slick Rick clone act, his “Gigolo” days, his failed album Stages, his scripted improv show, his efforts to bring back PnB Clothing, and that one time he was “Feeling Freaky” with B2K…had to break from writing, just saw a chasm in the sky open up, heard laughter, and chartreuse confetti just got sprayed all over SoHo.