The Gallardo nametag was a gift. Murciélago stumped y’all for a bit, but we’ll give credit where it’s due; that “Mercy” nickname was rather cute and clever. However, it pains us that you’ve clearly been struggling to name-drop its current replacement, the Aventador – so all of us here at Automobili Lamborghini have decided to cut you a break. We’d like to formally introduce the more lyric-friendly Veneno; our latest V12-powered hypercar that rockets from 0-60mph in less than three seconds. It’s possibly our most devilish design of all time (which should help perpetuate those Illuminati rumors) and even has a red, white, and green race stripe; making it the ideal automotive accessory for all your Gucci and Jordans–at the same damn time. We hope you have an easier and more enjoyable time incorporating it into your rhymes. Oh and get this – its name literally translates to “poison” in Spanish. How perfect is that? If any of you have a flight plan to Geneva this week, feel free to drop by the auto show and start the paperwork.
LOLZ, just kidding! The Veneno’s price-tag is around $4 million; we’re only building three of them, and they’re already spoken for. Get back to work, suckers!
*The above is obviously a fictional, highly-sensationalized communication, drafted to amuse and torment. But could we be that far off?