Are You Dating a Basic Bitch?
Looking for signs your lady is on the basic side? Check out our guide.
Likes: Basic bitch hobbies may include but are not limited to: making you feel bad for spending time with your friends, waking up early and taking it out on you later, and getting into her favorite work-out class, like soulcycle, exhale, core fusion, hot yoga (OMG HOT YOGA). She tweets her daily horoscope and posts at least three #selfies a week. She plans her weekend and corresponding outfits in advance. Settle down young basic one. Take one to ten steps back.
Sports: Are you an outdoorsy guy? Then forget dating a basic bitch because she doesn’t camp, she doesn’t hike and she does not ‘do’ team sports. For a basic bitch, it’s all about the gym. And by about the gym, we mean talking about the gym more than attending. And by taking about we mean complaining about.
Music: A basic bitch has limited music knowledge other than what they hear on the radio or pick up from their bad bitch friends. Even then, it’s a good two months too late. A basic bitch listens to Top 40 hits: “Teenage Dream,” “Diamonds,” “Without You.” This is the soundtrack to your basic life. Scream it with your strained vocal chords.
Often heard saying: “I love pumpkin spice lattes,” “I need a puppy,” “I never do this,” “I feel fat,” “so cute,” “ugh,” “I need a gay best friend.”
Frequently found: At Starbucks, on the elliptical, drinking Starbucks on the elliptical, talking on her cell phone about drinking lattes while on the elliptical.
TV shows: “2 Broke Girls,” “Revenge,” “Pretty Little Liars” and “Grey’s Anatomy.” You are required to watch these shows with her, even when the Knicks are on. Don’t you see her pulling you down into her pool of basic?
Movies: “Mean Girls,” “Titanic,” and anything with Jennifer Aniston (“she’s a survivor”). They love a good RomCom (let’s be real, they love bad ones too). Nothing weird, cerebral, or scary. That would require stepping outside of the basic bounds, and this, she does not do.