Are You Dating a Basic Bitch?
Looking for signs your lady is on the basic side? Check out our guide.
Fashion: A basic bitch takes no fashion risks but she likes to wear heels during the day. She wears spandex at the club and she likes silver jewelry and pink – the Victoria’s Secret brand and the color – to OD levels. She’s the cover girl Everybody Wears This Shit magazine.
Shopping: Do you love shopping? Well if you do, you’re in for a treat, because a basic bitch absolutely LOVES a good sale. You can enjoy hours together traipsing through racks of clothes, answering “Does this make me look fat?” over and over and over again. By the way, the correct answer is always ‘no, never, what?’ Always. Don’t listen to that voice in your head. Suppress it. Suppress!!
Hygiene: No she didn’t vomit in her sleep. That brown stain on your pillow is just residue from the full face of makeup she reapplied before getting into bed with you. NOTHING scares a basic bitch more than the idea of you seeing her true face – expect maybe, cellulite or being on top. She wears make up for make up sex. Think about that.
Grooming: It can be a scary experience kissing a basic bitch for the first time. Don’t get us wrong she can kiss, but if your hand moves to play with her long luscious locks don’t be alarmed by what follows. The clumps of matted hair are just where she attached her extensions. This looks like a small “Cousin It” if you see it on her floor. And no, she doesn’t have leprosy, she’s just had too many vodka cranberries and that’s why her fake spider eyelashes are hanging off her face.