Surely everyone’s heard by now, but in case they haven’t, let it ring from every mountainside with the gongs of Notre Dame bells that “Mr. Rager” has left the motherf-ing building. The “Man on the Moon” has aborted his space mission. The “Wizard” has flipped Middle Earth the bird. I can go on. But yes, Scott “Kid Cudi” Mescudi, has officially announced his departure from G.O.O.D Music. Although politically he corrals his reasons for separating as a need to focus on his own plate of things which include label, Wicked Awesome, and artist, King Chip. Nice try Sweden. Hell, I’d want to “focus on my own things” too if the trajectory of “G.O.OD. Music” meant pushing industry trend puppets like 2 Chainz and Big Sean. Let’s keep it real Cudi, you’ve got progressive ideas that the label just can’t rally behind. And unless Yeezy’s planning another 808’s and Heartbreaks he basically isn’t trying to push any envelope that isn’t pushing his brand’s stock (I don’t care how many international rants about corporate sponsorship he wants to go on). Let’s keep it real, the homie jumped ship for “G.O.O.D” reason. Even if fans and naysayers may worry about what Cudi will do post-Kanye, Rat Lord ain’t worried. Unlike the “diverse” label mates that kicked it with him on G.O.O.D Music, Cudi’s actually a charming, free-spirited, eclectic mofo with tons of industry opportunities to return to. Here’s a list of them. F- what you heard!
10. Go back to his post at Bape NYC. Good ol’ A Bathing Ape. Where Cudder got his grind on during his first year in NYC. Yea, Nigo sold the brand. And yea the whole name and concept is ironic considering the dude was poking fun at sterile Japanese hypebeasts, but man does that brand make black and brown kids confident. If Percocets were clothes, they’d be Bape gear. Go back and run up some behind-the-counter tabs for the homies.
9. Return to his shift at the convenience store in the scrapped Day/Night video. So what that this preliminary version of your breakout single didn’t get pushed by the label, I still think it rocked. You were killing it man–late night shifts, access to booze, random women. You had the opportunity to become like the Ron Jeremy of Quik-E-Marts there. Go back!
8. Carry David Guetta’s cd books.“Memories” was a Summer anthem and that tune can get played anywhere from an Ibiza beach bash to an A$AP Rocky and A$AP Mob sleepover. That’s the thing about international DJ/Producers, those dudes get around. Tons of flight mileage and CD wipe cloths! Plus Guetta’s old. The hands just ain’t what they used to be.
7. “Do It Again” with Shakira. What? I didn’t even know the Colombian “she-wolf” collaborated with Cudi! And then I saw that they just copied and pasted you into the video. WTF? She owes you, bro. This time, you two, same set, same time!
6. Get back on The Pursuit of Happiness. This song was great, literally and figuratively. It really meant something. I really think people saw and related to you in all of your song-writing glory. Get back to it. Just don’t do it with Drake in the video again. His definition of happiness is different. It involves expensive trips with like a million dudes and weird stuff with owl logos and sh*t.
5. Petition HBO to syndicate How To Make It In America. Let’s be real man, you should’ve been the real star of that show anyway. I never liked that I’m-So-New-York Brooklyn-Jew “Ben” dude. He was boring. Plus he made “Cam” look like a true hot-blooded, Dominican second banana next to his bland whiteness. Stereotype much? But whatever. You almost took his girl anyway and the show should’ve included you more. Get HBO to syndicate that mediocre bad boy and maybe all the wanna-be mover and shaker fans can log out of Instagram for a second to tweet about how you and Victor Rasuk should get you’re own spin off.
4. Go back to shooting videos about smoking weed in Boston hotel rooms with Jason Goldwatch. I liked this. Make more.
3. Drunk karaoke “Teleport To Me, Jamie” in front of ex-girlfriend Jamie Barretta. The gal was cute. You guys split. It happens. She’s out doing her thing and so are you. Why not exorcise those break-up demons with a laugh? No one’ll hold it against you.
2. Rekindle magazine interview beef with Wale. Nobody likes Wale. His brief beef with you actually earned him a total of 2 and 1/2 fans. Bring this back. We can interview you at Mass Appeal. You can throw jabs at him there. Let us know.
1. Make a grand return to Cleveland. You and Drew Carey. Lurking. In front of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. All day. The end.