Rappers have penchant for mentioning the finer things in life; they dazzle with their knowledge of expensive things from clothes to cognac to cars, but do they really know their stuff? Our resident autos expert, Willie G., wants to see if the car references in their songs and the actual vehicles in their videos stand up to scrutiny. –Editor
@MadWillieG don’t get on the twitter too often, but Election 2012 was the perfect storm to reacquaint me to the 140 character world. When the dust settled and the elephant in the room was dead, something else on the feed caught my eye; a new video – “Foreign Cars” – by Chief Keef and Soulja Boy. Hunkered down for some good ol’ rap video ignorance, I sat ready to make note of the egregious car claims about to invade my earhole. However, I could barely make sense of this repetitious, auto-tuned track. SONS – and I say that with conviction, because if I had a little more game in my younger days I could be both your daddies – I’m no music critic, but this shit sounds like you recorded it in your bathroom over a track from the original NES version of Castlevania. Lyrically you hardly gave me anything to work with, so this became a game of observations. But I figured if Yeezy could f**k up and get a Gallardo for the “Mercy” video, you’d give me something good.
First up, nice GT Coupe, DeAndre. Only you breeze by that front bumper (0:25) MAD quick. Could it be cause you don’t want us to latch onto the logo for Roadstarr Motorsports? I’m guessing Roadstarr – an LA based high-end tuner and luxury rental house – cut y’all a deal if you showed ‘em love. Yeah, good lookin’ out kiddos! Anyway, for anybody needing a Westside connection, hit up roadstarr.com; these cats do nice work. You fellas couldn’t let the camera pan by a touch slower and allow dudes to get their shine on? Man, that’s that shit I don’t like!
On to you, Keef. I’ma go out on a limb and say the Ferrari came from Roadstarr’s stable as well. Now I ain’t mad at you for borrowing. I’ve personally sourced video cars for rappers much bigger than you. But come on now; you chose the two most basic rides in the shop’s inventory, for a video titled “Foreign Cars”? In less than a minute of browsing their inventory, I peeped an ill two-tone Rolls and a coffee-matte Bentley that was just plain brown bananas, among other very dope whips. You settled for the bone-stock California? Let me hit you with some funny shit – Ferrari owners laugh at California owners. Furthermore, you’re driving a California in California? My dude, you do a lot of hanging-onto-other-dudes-while-shirtless type behavior. I might have to put you on pause if I wasn’t basically finished.
In summation, y’all really let me down, fellas. In a song based around cars and girls, I saw two cars (three if you count the .08 seconds of a Bentley Mulsanne) and exactly ZERO girls; not even a cankle! Chief Keef, Soulja boy – you need to step it up. And that’s me being nice. I can’t even imagine how I’d be going in if Mittens had actually won.