The Donguin, or “el Donguino,” is a mythical beast that roams the far flung lands of the internets. He came to me while browsing funny/cute photos for an embarrassingly long time—a few months ago—and properly lodged himself in my consciousness. Our relationship grew over time, and eventually we consummated it properly with a tattoo. I got one, he didn’t.
What is the most beast-like quality of your pet?
Probably his flippers. They don’t allow him to fly, but they can put a fool in his place right quick.
What or who is your pet not feeling?
Fools insisting on wearing flip flops on the streets of New York. WTF. That ish is disgusting.
What does your pet look for in a mate?
The Donguin looks for someone to share his life. You know, the good and the bad. He is all about establishing an open channel of communication and utilizing it to create a strong bond with his partner toward warming each other with earnest emotion.
No Beastie, but what human would your pet want to make love to and why?
The pale red headed wildling girl who gives John Snow a boner in Game of Thrones.
What activities does your pet dig most?
Complaining. And Brooding.
What television programs or bands/rappers does your pet like?
Cold Cave. Oh, and Better Off Ted.
What makes your dog your best friend or perfect companion?
Well, you could say that we are attached at the leg. Also, how can you look at that face and not smile?
Tell us about the most memorable walk with your dog.
I recall Central Park in fall. You tore your dress, what a mess, I confess. That’s not all.
Some dogs look like their owners, but who do you think your dog really looks like?
We have a stunning resemblance to each other. If I had to choose someone else, it’d probably be Danny DeVito in that Batman movie that he did.
Favorite movie starring a pet?
An American Tail: Fievel Goes West.
What made you decide you wanted a pet?
I wasn’t in the market when we met, but when you know, you know. You know?
How many dates have you scored off the strength of your little wing man?
What type is your pet: small with big personality or big with a little personality?
He is a big personality, but not showy. He maintains a nice even keel on the always.
What would be your pet’s first tweet?
I’m here. #chillbro
Who has more fun, you or your pet?
We both grumpin. It’s cool though.