• A Guide To Dating A Bad Bitch

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A Guide To Dating A Bad Bitch

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It may be confusing to all that we would include the word “bitch” in our title. “Bitch” is really only defined in the dictionary as only two things: a “female dog” or as an informal derogatory term meaning a “malicious and unpleasant woman.” However, times have changed, and so has the word itself. For the past decade, rappers (male and female) have been glorifying so-called “bitches,” and referring to them as “bad.” This is where the term began to rise again with a different connotation. Even though we are using the term “bad bitch, we don’t, and would never, use it as a disrespectful word towards any female, and would hope that you wouldn’t either. This article is simply shining a light on the “bad bitch” phenomena and its implication of powerful females among us.

As Trina says, “Who bad? Who’s, who’s bad? I’m the baddest bitch.”

Guys, if you’re single, you may want to pay attention. Cuffing season has begun and you are as likely to catch a bad bitch as you are to see an Asian playing hockey. Bad bitches are rare. They hide in plain sight in the tall grass of the concrete jungle. They move in silence, taking elegant stealth steps around and over you. They don’t walk into your life every day. So when you see a bad bitch, you want to deploy every tactic in your arsenal to lock them down. Here’s our necessary guide to catching a bad bitch.

A bad bitch is an independent and intelligent woman who doesn’t need a man. A bad bitch is confident, dresses well, and knows how to treat herself and others with dignity, respect, and class *bad bitches worldwide clink champagne glasses together, tilt their heads back, and laugh.* She’s easy on the eyes, but could stunt on basics if it gets too comfortable. Simply put, according to UrbanDictionary.com, a bad bitch is, ”Totally mentally gifted and usually also fine as hell.”

The Lifestyle/Fashion

Bad Bitch Quote

Vibe: A bad bitch doesn’t take herself too seriously, but fights for what she believes in: the color black, a great pair of booties, and the bad bitch American way. She doesn’t care if you see her without make-up. She is bad to the bone, and that includes cheek bone. She’s not shallow and doesn’t think you should be either. Plus, she still looks fine when she rolls out of bed and after she leaves the gym and even while eating an entire slice of Oreo cheesecake by herself. She is not afraid to admit her mistakes because nobody is perfect, not even a bad bitch.

Comes Off As: Very independent. A bad bitch does what she wants to do when she wants to do it. She’s like a living breathing law-abiding Grand Theft Auto character. A bad bitch is open-minded, never judging others or her friends for their decisions, but  instead judging basic bitch strangers for their irrational fashion decisions. She can be intimidating, but no need to fear, all bad bitches are kind at heart.

Disposition: A bad bitch uses manners (and you should too, please). She is nice to waiters and you won’t ever have to worry about her causing a scene. She keeps her business under wraps. She will forego being on her phone for a face to face conversation. Therefore, she won’t appreciate if your hands are moving faster than your mouth as you text all your friends through dinner. Keep it up and she might walk out on your ass. Throw her napkin in your face and tell you that 1997 wants its haircut back. Yes, it’s exciting that you scored a date with a bad bitch but your phone can wait. Give her the attention she deserves. This isn’t Sportscenter, ok chap?

Wears: The point of anything a bad bitch wears is that it makes her comfortable in her own skin – while simultaneously looking fly as fuck. She keeps her Juicy terry cloth pants for walking around the house and getting the laundry. A bad bitch can pull off wearing leather, and/or a lot of black, and you never question what she’s got on or how much she paid for it. It works, that’s it. She does not dress to please you but you will be pleased with the results. If she were to design her own clothing line, it would be called Effortless.

Friends: A bad bitch has a close knit group of friends who she can count on to be real with her. The inner circle is tight, like her game and her Rag & Bone jeans. She has both male and female friends, so if you’re the jealous type be prepared to deal or be on the receiving end of a bad bitch scissor kick out the door. She is not a boys-only type of girl. In fact she thinks there has to be something psychologically wrong with women who can’t get along with other women. Were they raised by wolves? Apes? In a terrarium in a lab? A bad bitch also thinks it’s sad when friends try compete with one another. Especially since there is clearly no competition when she is around. Squirrels drop gold medals at her feet when she passes under trees, and random people smile at her. She isn’t a people pleaser, and doesn’t understand people who are friends with everyone. A bad bitch doesn’t care to talk shit about people because she is above that. Talking shit about someone to a bad bitch will only result in this:

Annoyed Girl

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Jobs: 

A bad bitch is career oriented. She is not waiting for some rich prince to come along, but rather she aspires to be a boss herself, and you’re going to have to understand that her career is her top priority. After being naturally bad, of course. She is open-minded and driven, but not so much that she can’t kick back at the end of the day and chill with her colleagues over a few beers. She’ll order a Blue Moon, hold the orange, and will sip it at the perfect pace. Aaah.

Food:

A bad bitch is not afraid to try new things. If the restaurant is offering roast duck with truffle as a special, her curiosity will be piqued. She’s not afraid of new experiences. She is always herself, no matter who she is around, which means she eats whenever she wants. She’ll only eat a salad if it’s good, not because it’s healthy and she wants to be skinny. A bad bitch NEVER yucks anyones yum, and you already know she can cook. A bad bitch can turn into Betty Crocker in seconds. She’ll whip up a five course meal like it’s nothing.

Burger

Hobbies: A bad bitch is never bored, because only boring people are bored. She is interested in what’s going on in the world – not just lol cat memes. She reads, and guess what? If you don’t, you are not going to be fucking that bad bitch who does. A bad bitch would never pretend to know about sports, if she’s into something she into it but not to impress you. And if you make a good case for why she should follow your team, she’ll give it consideration. A bad bitch knows how to chill, whether they smoke weed or not, but many do. A bad bitch is into whatever she’s into, be it skateboarding, jazz or visiting galleries. Point is, she has interests that aren’t Bravo shows. She’ll want to do more than vegetate on the couch during the weekend, so up your game if you want a bad bitch to stick around.

Bong

Social Media:

A bad bitch doesn’t spam your feed with irrelevance. She is FUNNY and doesn’t take herself too seriously. She knows what wit is and has it. A bad bitch would NEVER block anyone who pokes fun at her but embraces their humor. Remember, a bad bitch can make fun of herself as well. Naturally, a bad bitch does not post “typical” or “basic” things such as quotes or constant selfies. Or duck faces or cuddly creatures or any of that bull. A bad bitch will take pictures of things on Instagram other than herself (nature, food, exotic places). In fact, she’ll post a picture that you’ll like because it’s cool, not because you’re trying to hit it. She will retweet interesting articles on Twitter, or post about something that actually makes you stop and think. She is also supportive to her friends and their organizations, blogs, or start-ups via social media. She understands that the purpose of these channels is not to air her drama or seek your sympathy.

Texting: A bad bitch rarely initiates text messages. She may take some time to respond, but this is not because she’s rude or trying to play hard to get. She’s just BUSY living her LIFE and not checking her phone every second. If she likes you, she’ll appreciate a phone call. It will show her that you are confident and intelligent enough to have a real conversation and are actually interested in what’s going on her life.

Jealousy/Cheating: The biggest mistake you can ever make is cheating on a bad bitch. A bad bitch doesn’t cheat, but rather, leaves if she is unhappy, and leaves in glorious fashion. She will never try to make you jealous and she doesn’t go through your phone in a fit of insecurity. As Rhode Scholar Gudda Gudda once said, ”She don’t ever wonder, cause she knows she’s bad.”

Hard to come by bad bitches

Intimacy: Typically, a bad bitch can be difficult to get close to. Her former non-bad self has made mistakes and she’s learned in the process. But a bad bitch isn’t afraid to take the lead in the bedroom but not in a ‘porn-inspired-me-I’m-trying-to-impress-you’ kind of way. No porn tongue, word to Julia Gulia. She’ll let you take control if you’re capable, but you’d better do her right. If you’re dating a bad bitch, don’t expect her to say “I love you” first, because she takes that pretty seriously. But most importantly, a bad bitch will only date smart and interesting guys with a decent sense of humor – NO basics bros or bro-dinary dudes allowed.

Music: A bad bitch has the baddest taste in music. She’s not embarrassed to get down to degrading rap music, or to listen to some sad jawns. A bad bitch is never a music snob, and her friends look to her for song guidance. She doesn’t follow trends, unless the trend is being bad all the fucking time.

Bad Bitch Not a slut

Top 5 Bad Bitches:

1. Beyonce
2. Scarlet Johansson
3. Rihanna
4. Gisele Bundchen
5. Halle Berry (or Hallelujah)

Bad Bitch Honorable Mentions

1. Solange
2. Kelly Rowland
3. Topanga from “Boy Meets World”
4. J. Lo
5. Any Destiny’s Child song
6. Lily Aldridge
7. Cara DeLevingne

Bad Bitch Playlist

“I love bad bitches that’s my fucking problem” – 2Chainz

Stay BAD ladies, and follow my Instagram and Twitter @Lindzmetz

Have you already cuffed this season and realized you made a mistake? You might have a basic bitch on your hands arm. Read our guide to basic bitches to find out.

  • Bawse Dawg

    Funniest shit I read all week, salute.

  • MRF

    Topanga, such a great call. Baddest b in Feeny’s home room

  • Solito

    Amber Heard… one of the many reasons she should be top here: she dumped Johnny Depp for a french model chick…

    • Lindzmetz

      TRU!

  • jenny6783

    LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!!! encompasses everything I think and is very well written in my opinion! keep up the great work!

    http://www.thelifestylejungle.com

  • Lisset

    When I hear “bad bitch” I think of someone really ghetto who thinks they’re “fly”. Someone who encompasses the attributes you mentioned would have more class and more self respect, they would not call themselves a “bitch” no matter how glorified some people try to make the word seem.

    • MaleBadBitch

      Did you, or did you not, read the newly derived definition of the word “bitch”? It is plainly stated at the beginning if the article you are commenting on

  • ass fucko

    what a fucking awful wank article. this sounds like the delusional fantasies of the author “blahblahblah I want to be the kind of girl who’s great at fucking and
    bad with feelings, so I wrote this little pep-talk down. If I read it
    enough, it’ll be true.”