50 Questions Raised By Lil B’s Kevin Durant Diss

50 Questions Raised By Lil B’s Kevin Durant Diss

The NBA season is wrapping up, and there is high drama at every turn. The Pacers have lost four straight, the West is entirely up for grabs, and despite all odds, Lil B is having a larger impact on the playoff picture than Kobe Bean Bryant. See, while Kobe remains sidelined, and the Lakers live in the Western Conference basement, the BasedGod is coming at MVP candidate Kevin Durant. The two have a beef that has unfolded over the past few years and stems from Durant calling Lil B a wack rapper on Twitter. The BasedGod then placed a curse on KD saying he’ll never win a title, then lifted it, but has now put it back into motion, releasing “Fuck KD” on Saturday March 8. And wouldn’t you know it, the Thunder lost to the Lakers yesterday. On national television.

All of this sounds really bizarre and strange, but we love it. We love the NBA and we love rap and we love Lil B. We just have a few questions about how this is going to play out. When you wake up in Oz, you want to know how you got there and how you’re getting out.

  • How much time does Lil B spend thinking about his hatred of Kevin Durant?
  • How much time does Kevin Durant spend trying to figure out how he got to this point?
  • Can Kevin Durant prove that Lil B hasn’t gotten into his head?
  • What happens if The Curse of the BasedGod plagues the Thunder any further?
  • Can The Curse of the BasedGod be commissioned?
  • Like, can I pay Lil B to place a hex on my enemies?
  • Is there a ritual to The Curse of the BasedGod?
  • Does it involve the Yellow King?
  • What happens if Durant loses the MVP race and the Thunder lose the Western Conference, and whoever wins the Finals invites Lil B to be the Grand Marshall of their parade?
  • Would Lil B be the greatest Grand Marshall in the history of Grand Marshalls?
  • What happens if someone other than the Thunder win the Finals and when the MVP is asked what he’s going to do next he says, “Thank you BasedGod”?
  • Does anyone on the Thunder fuck with Lil B?
  • Do you think there’s an organization-wide memo discouraging them to do so?
  • How would they enforce that, though? Are there routine iPod checks?
  • If someone likes him anyway, is it a huge point of contention in the Thunder locker room?
  • Has Scotty Brooks had to break up any Lil B-related internal scuffles?
  • Like what if Russell Westbrook, who’s from California, secretly loves “Fuck KD”?
  • What if Serge Ibaka and Lil B are actually best friends?
  • Is Lil B allowed at Oklahoma City home games?
  • Or is he banned like Lil Wayne?
  • Does security at the Chesapeake Energy Arena know what Lil B looks like?
  • Were they handed flyers with his face that said “Do not under any circumstances let this man in”?
  • Should the Trailblazers, Clippers, Spurs, and Rockets pool money together to get Lil B courtside at every remaining Thunder game?
  • Should fans of those teams just do that anyway?
  • Can we turn Lil B into the West Coast Spike Lee?
  • When the Thunder play away games, can the DJ just play the “Brown Paper Bag” instrumental and see what happens?
  • Has anybody asked Adam Silver how he feels about all of this?
  • Can you imagine a Lil B and Kevin Durant meeting moderated by Adam Silver?
  • Has anyone asked David Stern how he feels about all of this?
  • What magazine is going to the be first to put the two of them on a cover?
  • Does “30 for 30″ have a film crew at Lil B’s house right this moment?
  • Can the Heat sign Brandon McCartney to a 10-day contract?
  • Can anybody sign Brandon McCartney to a 10-day contract?
  • How can we make sure Lil B gets an NBA Championship ring before Kevin Durant?
  • Who specifically in the WNBA would Lil B like to f*** in the mouth?
  • What if Lil B stars in the “Juwanna Mann” sequel but it’s just to get close to Diana Taurasi?
  • Has anyone asked Diana Taurasi how she feels about all of this?
  • If they do play a one-on-one game, will it be televised like The Decision?
  • If it’s on Pay-Per-View, how much would you reasonably pay? More or less than $10?
  • If the televised game follows the same trajection as The Decision, then will it be the turning point in Durant’s career?
  • Is there a situation where Durant doesn’t absolutely crush Lil B?
  • Would people villainize him for that?
  • What would constitute a Lil B moral victory? Is it like, a single point?
  • Is there any possibility that Durant is in on this?
  • That he knows he needs to get angrier in games so asked Lil B to create a diss so he can be consistently agitated and play better?
  • How long has Lil B been sitting on this song that uses the “Brown Paper Bag” beat from 2007?
  • Has Lil B been plotting this since 2007, the year Kevin Durant was drafted?
  • What’s with the floor level camera angle with the fish eye lens, though?
  • Has anyone asked the people at Lil B’s gym how they feel about all of this?
  • What gym does Lil B go to anyway?