Dear Oprah and 50,
You are both very important black people in America and in the world and in the history books (do they even make those anymore?) I think you both have made significant contributions to culture by way of language: you both are magnificent storytellers, and storytelling is BIG in Africa, so THANK Y’ALL for continuing that storied tradition.
You know O, Curtis is one of the masters of dissing and rhyme battles; he has been known for destroying careers and there are no holds barred. A private call between he and rapper Young Buck wound up getting leaked, and that conversation saw a rather vulnerable side of a man who was in a tight place. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with grown men crying, and Buck’s tears were realer than Donald Trump’s toupee. But that instance showed us all how ruthless 50 is when it comes to spilling wack sauce all over his competition.
Still, O, it seems like Curtis lured you into his web. Because he wanted to see you and inspect you up close like a near-sighted OBGYN who has a serious thing- thing for your book club.
Was there ever beef, O? And why would there be beef? Because you get more money than him? I suspect I know the real reason.
I’ll tell you this much, O, and I’d be surprised if I was the first to tell you this—but many men, many many many men men…in hip-hop…have wanted to make love to you, and they have commented on the size of your backside. I don’t know what you two discussed off camera, but I think there’s a possibility that Young Curtis wants to hold your hand.
I think Curtis wants IN.